CAN YOU MAKE HIM YOUR IDEAL MAN?

When Drew and I first started dating, I noticed that he would make me laugh uncontrollably and then he would say that I was the only one who thought he was funny.

Now, that may not seem like a major flaw in a relationship, but after awhile, it began to grate on me. I thought to myself, “hey I have good taste in humor, and his modesty is actually about him not knowing his true genius and it isn’t serving anyone.” Don’t get me wrong, Drew is confident and has healthy self-esteem, but I knew that there was a diamond in the rough here when it came to his talent as a comedian.

So I started to envision him knowing who he truly was, I started feeling into what it would be like to be around him with him glowing with recognition and validation for his genius, and I started to notice that our friends would remark to him out loud, how hilarious he was. Since then, he’s written his first screenplay that  has been affirmed by many of my friends in the industry as a hoot and joy to read (which is saying a lot).

It’s been a phenomenal journey that has not only supported him but me. I’ll be producing and directing the script and there is nothing more exciting to me than co-creating with my beloved.

Let’s take an example that is more irritating. Let’s use a relatively harmless example. Say your lover, boss, friend is repeatedly late, it’s understandable that you would start to expect them to be that way. You could say you have “just cause” in expecting this because they’ve demonstrated this behavior consistently.

However, what if you were actually helping to create them as a “late” person through your expectation of their tardiness?

Sounds a little bit like, what came first, the chicken or the egg? You’ve probably heard such quotes as “you can’t teach an old dog new tricks” but you’ve also probably heard such phrases as “You bring out the best in me.”

Just how powerful is your focus and attention on another human being?

Much more powerful than you’d think.

But you might say, “It’s not me that is attracting their behavior, that’s just the way they are. And my other lovers weren’t like that.”

Other lovers may not have been, but somehow the dynamic is active in your field. Who knows how or where you picked it up. You just find yourself waiting for them, for the 15th time.

Can you change their behavior by your expectation of them?

YES YOU CAN.

It’s very odd, but this is just how powerful you are when you tap into your own ability to focus. If you can shift your expectation of someone, one of two things will happen.

Either you will ONLY rendez-vous with them when they are on time, or else ONLY people who show up on time continue being in your life.

And how do you change your expectations of someone?

Now that’s the tricky part.

You’ve accumulated some evidence right?  Some water under the bridge, maybe even a roaring river : ). You may have even complained about it, commiserated with some friends and bonded over it, created artwork around it.

It may even be some trump card you pull out in an argument such as “but YOU’RE ALWAYS late!”

So here is a powerful tool to use to neutralize such a pattern and energize what you ARE wanting.

#1. Ask yourself, “What need am I getting met by having this person demonstrate (their unwanted trait) in my life?”

You may be very surprised to hear the answer. Often it can relate to issues of power, control, validation, attention, justification. In other words, it’s a falsepouting benefit. There may be some sort of need that it is fulfilling for you but at a cost. You may get some sort of edge about having something to hold over them in a power struggle about who loves who more, or use it as a reason to have the person give you more attention.

#2. When you hear the answer, forgive yourself ; ), acknowledge your need and start looking at where you can get that need met in a positive way. In this instance, if it’s attention, then have your lover tell you what they most appreciate about you. If it’s control, know that you can control the direction of your focus!

#3. Then make a list of what you DO appreciate about your partner.

#4. And when you are starting to feel happy, THEN start to visualize them as you’d like to experience them. In this instance, you’d see them being on time, early even.

You can do this with any relationship in your life. And again, it doesn’t matter how much evidence you have of them being a certain way, if you are persistent and insistent about how you are choosing to see someone, making lists of all their wonderful qualities, they will start to demonstrate only these aspects to you.

I’ve had women use this process on aggravating bosses, co-workers, friends and lovers. Some have found radical changes in their partners, others have found that co-workers were replaced or that they themselves got new private offices with their own view for instance. Others still have manifested new lovers with exactly the qualities that they have been asking for.

I do not recommend doing this work with someone who is abusive to you. The vibrational difference between cruelty and kindness is vast, so the time, concentration and effort for you to shift the pattern while still being around this person is often too difficult to stabilize. Rather, get to a place that is safe, do the work of shifting your expectations and allow trustworthy people to enter in your life with the new qualities your Higher Self has manifested for you.

And watch as your world is remade in the image of your desires.

All my love,
Bella